When I first started coming to see you I was very scared
and didn't see any way of moving forward. When you explained the tasks you will doing with me in order to help me move forward
I never imagined they would work (not to mention thinking they were a little strange).
After 2 months of seeing you I have made improvements and can now see that I will be able to move
forward and those Gremlins that have been haunting me are now gradually starting to shrink (or as you say chopping the tentacles
away off the Octopus on my head). Although I do still have panic attacks I have learnt how to calm myself down which is such
a relief. I am also able to see myself getting angry or upset when fearful and control that a little better.
There are so many things that you are helping me with a by
taking one step at a time I can see that things are getting better. By doing this I am also finding sleeping a little better
and by continuing to face my fears I am positive that I will be able to go back to having a full nights sleep again at some
point in the future.
Last week I did something I never thought
I would have been able to do. I got into a car with Glen's parents instead of taking my own car and following them. I faced
the fear and although it was very scary for me I took a step forward and I won, I was so proud of myself.
My OCD is one of the hardest things to tackle however you can't tackle everything at once so by taking
my fears one at a time I know that in time that will also get better. It does take control of your life and can be very frustrating
for both me and the people around me however by taking one thing at a time and achieving other things I will give me the encouragement
to keep trying and I will get there.
I have been a different person over the last few years and have felt very
low but I am starting to feel a little stronger every week and as crazy as it might sound I look forward to my appointments
with you each week (I used to dread them as I was so scared of letting my guard down and telling anyone how I felt).
There are still many things that I am fearful of (which I
recognise now) that stop me from doing things I wouldn't have given a second thought about a few years ago however with your
help and encouragement from the people around me that care I feel positive that I will get there and these things do take
Two of the hardest things I did was opening
up and letting people in so as I could express my true feelings and once I had done that, facing my fears to try and beat
My advice to anyone going through what I have
the last few years is don't hide away from your feelings as they won't go away and to face your fears as scary as it might
be as in time they will get better.
If only I had
known this years ago.
Kirsty April 2011